But my mind is not so much matured on this subject as theirs. I wish to view it impartially in all its bearings. This produces in my mind some hesitancy. But yet my mind is not in an equilibrium. It rather preponderates on the negative side of the question. But whenever you mind is ripe for discussion respecting duty, my duty as an individual will be apparent. I shall feel justified in accompanying you whereever you may think it duty to go. Inclination alone would urge me to do this. So you see, my dear, I am determined not to be left behind on any pretense whatever. Forgive my liberty. An unlimited confidence in you often makes me the unconscious assenter of my own folly. Were I writing to any other I should feel it necessary to be more cautious. But when I am writing to you I feel much as I should were I whispering in your ear. This of course, often makes me insensible of how I appear on paper. I so not wish you to be influenced too much by any thing I have said or may say about going among the indians I feel sensible that I am liable to have my opinions biassed the wrong way as nearly all I hear is on the objective side. I am pointed on one hand to the scattered situation of the ind: to the privations and hardships incompatible with a slender constitutions which must be endured by those who consent to occupy this ground, and to the probability of an early grave; and on the other hand, to the destitute situation of many of our churches and of their great want of help.
Monday eve June [24]
Br Isaac left us this morning for Connecticut- quite uncertain how long he will be absent. We have not yet had an opportunity to send to Troy for his and br. Jona's books Papa calulates [sic] to embrace the first opportunity to get them I have delayed writing to you untill this time that I might be able to send you a little money. I have lately quite unexpectedly taken a little for my work (which by the way has confined me very closely since I wrote you last) and shall now enclose for you fifteen dollars, father will enclose ten for Br. J. You may depend on five more from me when I write again. I hope you have received some from Sharon before this. I think there is at best 45 dollars past due for hay pork cow &c. Br. Isaac thinks we might convey to you and J. for a trifling sum a box of clothing. These we can obtain without money and many articles could make up.-- Such as pantaloons vests stockings shirts handkerchiefs &c. We might also send you cloth for larger garments if you kneed them. Please to say what you think of this plan. If you approve of it, specify, each of you, what articles you need, and how much of each kind Father is extremely anxious to help Br J. but it is almost impossible for him to obtain any money. I hope no unforeseen Providence will prevent your going to Washington. I feel very anxious that you should enjoy the privilege. Give yourself, my dear, no anxiety about me. I lack no good thing and feel contented and in the common acceptation of the term